nostalgia15:06 Jun 23 2008
Times Read: 864
nostalgia... I was thinking about nostalgia recently, if it's based on anything real -- or if the emotional longing of 'nostalgia' is a mere fantasy, a willful reinvention of our past.
See, I was wondering what happened to all my old college friends. I keep in touch with a handful of them -- the ones that really matter, I suppose -- but a lot of them have disappeared over the years. I Googled and I Myspaced for several weeks and found no trace of them.
I began to wonder if I ever really knew them at all. So, being the dork that I am, I pulled out a box of photographs and began pawing through them. There in the bottom were all the embarrassing photos from college and high school; me with my long hair and Kurt Cobain stripey shirts and flannel, me and the guys at a bar, me and my friends at a cook-out, me and a girlfriend at the beach on spring break in 1998...
And suddenly I missed those days and my friends. I missed how easy it was to see them every day, how effortless it was to make plans.
And it was frustrating that I had lost so many of them. Even my old room mate (that jerk!)
To be honest, it depressed me to look at these old photos. Perhaps more than it should have. Maybe if MySpace had been around back then we'd still keep in touch. See, here's the thing. If I could travel back in time I wouldn't change anything. Some selfish part of me just wants to go back to that time in 1997 when we were all together -- doing nothing but laughing-- before we had houses, and jobs, husbands, wives, etc. I would only make them promise to keep in touch.
Retarded, right?
Yes. It is.
Because I know the photos don't tell the full story; it's a false memory. My room mate WAS a jerk. My friends were always late to everything. There's the one guy who always borrowed money and didn't pay it back. There's the guy who flirted with all the girlfriends. There's the guy who didn't get anyone's jokes. ..there's the girl who broke up with me FOR NO GOOD REASON...etc.
The more I think about it, the more the fantasy gives way to the reality. And I don't want to go back at all. I want to shove the photos back in the box, and cram it back in the closet. Maybe in another 10 years I won't be depressed and sentimental.
Maybe.
*hmph*
But i really DO miss my friends. Even my jerky old roommate. Sure, I've made friends since then, but they're not the same.
So, like I said, I spent two weeks searching the internet to find my old friends. I found a few and we're making plans to get together to catch up. I've scanned some of the old photos to see if they have the same reaction to them that I did.
But mostly, I just want to see what they remember. They've already told me that I remember more details than they do. Are people more forgetful than others? Or do i remember more than I'm suposed to?
COMMENTS
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Drakontion
21:03 Jun 23 2008
This sounds stupid, but try Facebook. I've stumbled across so many of my old school mates in there since I joined. I finished high school in 1991 and never kept in touch with any of them... and there they are!
Mind you we still don't talk... after putting them on my friends list I realised exactly why I didn't keep in touch with any of them... but the possibility is there.
SeleneTremere
18:11 Jun 30 2008
Sometimes, you need to remember the past to face the here and now. To remember that it's not all that bad.
You missed the good old days..but really...like you said, even the good old days had their faults.
We are where we're supposed to be, and it's ok to be nostalgic, just don't wish it all back. You could handle the jerky friend, the girlfriend, the friends who were late, the whole works, you could handle that then. Now...we would call it irresponsible...you know what that means?
Oh my God, I'm turning into my mother!!
Is it possible you've turned into an *gasp* adult??
I dunno...just kind throwin shit out there. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense at all.
XxLadyDarkRaynexX
17:53 Nov 07 2008
Well, after highschool I moved as far away as it as I could get, and over the last few years I have done the same. After moving back to the town I went to high school in 4 years ago, Its sad to see the same people doing the same things they did back 15 years ago. But ya I missed them too !